Bakit kaya
Ganito aking nadarama
Nasasaktan, na hindi naman
Nalalaman, kung meron man akong
Hiling sa puso kong ito
Hindi sana hindi sa tulad mo.
Chorus
:Gulong-gulo ang isip ko
Sa puso kung ito
Hindi alam
Kung bakit ba
Ikaw ang minahal
Kung kaya ko lng
Sanang pigilan
Ang aking puso piliin
Ka para ibigin ko.
Pagibig ba ay sadyang di
Maintindihan
Puso't isipan
Ay di rin makasunduan
Kung kaya kong limutin ka
Ginawa ko na
Ano bang meron ka't
Mahal kita
Gulong-gulo ang isip ko
Sa puso kung ito
Hindi alam
Kung bakit ba
Ikaw ang minahal
Kung kaya ko lng
Sanang pigilan
Ang aking puso piliin
Ka para ibigin ko.
Gulong-gulo ang isip ko
Sa puso kung ito
Hindi alam
Kung bakit ba
Ikaw ang minahal
Kung kaya ko lng
Sanang pigilan
Ang aking puso piliin
Ka para ibigin ko.......................
i don't feel like posting today (and i don't know why im doing this). a lot of things happend and i know (wiLL happen). im in for a big change. since i have achieved the life i wanted and i should have, now it's time for the internal part (myself). being a teen and being open and free to different kinds of stufs is not that easy. much of first times and experiments around. i want to try a lot of things. and honestly, i've tried them. i had a hard time but it's worth it. hahaha. aside from that new friends are coming out. they come in different qualities and personalities. but what matters is how they are as a friend.^^
anyway. im just wondrin'. why do some people treat "RAKISTA" as a big deal. i know a few who almost announce to tha whole world that they're like "RAKISTA" or whatever. im not against anyone, but im just curiuos?? can you only be branded as "RAKISTA" if you wear bLack cLothes and chucks?if u know and master all the guitar cHords in the worLd?if you idolize even the earLiest rock band??hahaha. i really don't know what came into me and why am i sayin' this. (i only hope there will be answers to my questions..^^)
im afraid im starting to feel EMO these days. i have this friend having trouble bout something. i know we all have our own probs but hers really affects me. and now i have this dilemma on how to help. i really wanna make her happy because she's special and i want her to feel it besides her problems and stuff. i wanted to be someone who'll give her happiness but i don't know how and i don't know if she'll appreciate it.(sana lang talaga kahit papano nakatulong ako sa kanya)
tornzbefore i know you were my guideyou taught me what is rightbut how will i learn to be aloneif you don't let me know what it's like? i tried to understand youjust watched everything you doi tried to release the pain in my heartforget everything and torn it apartbut it can't come out of meand all i wanted is to be freei opened my eyes but too blind to seethat in real life you're destroying me = hahaha!does it make sense? hahaha! i hope they could read this so they'll know how miserable i am now.hahaha.^^
knina pa tapos ung MTAP nmen. medyo late na ako nagising thanks kay joyce kasi tinawagan pa talaga niya ako. eun, masaya naman, pero wala si florence tsaka la masyadong hera pero masaya naman. nandun si daryll hehehe!kasama ko si joyce at fortunately pwede magcellfone. ang saia! may mga natutunan dn naman ako. kahit d ako sumasagot sa mga tanong. and after that dumiretso kami sa marist nakita namin sila honey and kumaen sa labas. umalis din kami agad kasi super pagod na talaga kami. malapit nren pla dance ng marist.(kung sino man ang walang date dyan im available.hahaha). aatennd n rin ako sa next session kasi sarap kumpletuhin eh. (biro moh ahead na kami sa mga klasmates namin) hahah! masarap din pala mag aral ng math.
change topic na. sem break na at super nararamdaman ko na ung pagka miss q sa mga klasmates ko..lalo na ung mga ahem2. know what. im really confused. everybody knows that im in a relationship right now and still i have the nerve to tell you bout my crushes and how they made me kilig. im guilty because (i admit) that i losing my feelings for my boyfriend and it's all passed on to someone. god! i can't see myself sayin' this! you can't also blame me because i always see +++ than my boyfriend. +++ knows more than my bf too. hahaha! i know that that +++ cn only offer friendship coz we're both in a relationship haiii..it's so hard talaga. i sometimes feel that i shouldn't be too close but i can't hahaha!sana lang lagi na siyang nandyan kahit wala ng committment basta andyan ln siya sa paligid ok na.hahaha!
yes!sa wakas sembreak na ren! and all i need to worry about is my MTAP. hahaha!watta a week! grabeh dn palah! in fairness nagpalit na rin ako ng skin kasi naman di ko maayos ung isa. and pati ung song iba na. kasi d ko naman gusto yung song na thank god chuva2.hehehe para kay clacky un!hahaha!
ngah pala sa mga taong walang sawang nagbabasa ng walang kwenta kong blog salamat senio! adyos!^^
hahaha! im proud and honored to annouce that tomorrow is our last day!!!yahoo!hahaha!hope it'll be a meaningful vacation though i'll be attending some sessions on weekends and it'll be only for a week. today's agenda is to study CHEM,TLE,ENGLISH and AP.hahaha! those are not my fields obviuosly..except for english and TLE. i hope i would do good in the other 2 subjects coz honestly, i didn't review. i wasn't in the mood. coz they ruined it. hahaha!they ruined my mood for studying and now all i wanna do is THIS. and while istening to my song.hahaha!goodness!i remember CHARLES.hahaha!anyway, it's obvious that im not ok but, on the other hand i won't let them bring me down.hahaha!still catching up for a good mood.
and hey..gtg now.still needs to fix some things.
oo exams na ngah. tapos na countdown ko. and fortunately. it went fine. i mean. i was able to answer everythin' though i feel that what i reviewed yesterdays was flushed away!hahaha. we had a different and very weird proctor. hahaha. honestly i hate her coz she treat us like graders. she always say "QUIET! do u want to take the exams on 10:00am??" she trying to scare us of things we know she couldn't do.hahaha. and i was like "ok...fyn.."hahaha!maldita! and after every subject she asked florence to stand in frnt and write on the board those who were talking and they'll be taking the exams tomorrow in lower level's classrums.hahaha. but then fm was afraid to write down our names. and started writing the first to letters only to scare them hahah!and most of us finish the geometry test in 30-40- mins.hahaha which proves that it's really easy. so after i've finished, i begin fixing my hair.hahaha.then the others were seeling (it's part of our whole year project) then we were eatin'. oh!before i forgot i was seated in front and florence was also therelisting the noisy barbarians hahaha!so we often kick each other after the exam.hahah!(uo nah kinilig na ako!)
and i have this new crush.CHARLES.that's the name.he sang this song (on my profile) when we had our musicfest.^^
just a really quick post.hahaha!it's exams but im still here.i just browse through my notebooks and whoala!hahaha!new skin again huh?i hope this is better.and today in school we had 3 hours of jammin'.it all started with our TLE subject then because we don't have anythin' to do in our other subjects we just continue it.hahah!it was really fun!and now face reality,it's exams and i really need to catch up. so i need to stay up all night and do my review.hhahaha.coffee please?hahaha!
that's all. bye for now!^^
we had a very thrilling day. at first, we had 2 garded recitations/review.(tle and math) hahaha!im not yet called in math so i guess i'd better be ready or face the consequence. then in chem. we had this damn BLOOD TEST! (bloody and brutal blood test). they priked our fingers and squeeze out as much blood as they could. argh!! but i didn't participate anyway. seeing them holding the cotton ball full of red blood made me really CRY! hahaha. i wish my parents can see this so they'll know that their daughter is not for NURSING! hahaha. they said the blood test was a project in chem hahaha, it made me laugh because im sure most of us knew his/her blood type even without that violent blood test. then the requirements are due tomorrow( am i complete?!) well as far as i know i am. and now all im worry about is the exams and MTAP.
after class we went to florence's house and visited his uncle who died days ago. i was the last one who looked at the coffin because im not used to looking at other family's dead loved one. so florence accompanied me to face my fears. hahaha! i know i could do it with him though!hahaha!
then i'll share to you some of my silly works while inside the room waiting for our teacher.
LOKKING BACK, FACING NOW and PREPARING FOR TOMORROW
before was wrapped with challenges
rollercoaster path and meeting new faces
the debris from the past
are memries that will never last
before wa kinda tragic
everythin' was such a thrill
a bunch of first times and experiments
that's a once in a lifetime experience
but now is no time for looking back
it's the present that's more important
change for the better will make it alright
being you will make it right
expect a lot of challenges in the future
a different and complicated life
truly, times are tough nowadays,sweetie
but what matters most is your personality.
- while writing this susana my classmate wanna read it but i refused. then when im about to finish she told me "hay naku jenny wag mo na itago nakikita na ni florence yan!" i look back and saw florence as florence reading and saying what im writing.hahaha!happy!but im quite shy.hahaha!and here,there's another one.
IT"S JUST HIM
an ordinary passers-by
just a human being
cries and laughs like anyone else
commits mistakes like everybody does
some may say it's just him
but why do i see someone else?
i was blessed with such power
to see him in a special way
"it's just him", i say
but why do i see such a lovely creature?
and as i sigh with such disappointment
knowing that it's love that im feelin'
he is what he is
the person i look up to with such admiration
the boy i just saw and eventually fell for
it's just.......HIM.
i know it's weird.actually i feel like im writing nonsense.(oh god! i hope im noT!) haiiii.i wish i have enough words to say everything.if i knew all the languages in the world i would love to make poems and express myseld in different languages.so that everyone would understand me, so that everybody could hear me, even HIM.
)':
it's the much awaited hapet week. after all the happenings and foolishness we did it's now time for the EXAMS!!! aw! i really need to catch up for my absences. but how? know what? i just noticed when i feel like i need some inspiration and im in the mood for a GREAT POSITIVE CHANGE, problems come my way. hahaha! what a TEST! God really knows how to challenge weak people like me. to be honest, im like havin' a bargain of problems which i know noone would buy or even attempt to look at. hahaha! family, not really friends( i try to make up with them as soon as i could or else i would be insane!) lovelife!hahaha! love really is a game huh?! but though these problems really affects me, i know and i would do everything so it wouldn't be a hindrance for my dream for CHANGE! it's so hard to control myself but discipline is the best policy! hahaha! i even attended to math tutorials to fill up my vacation. (my very long SEMBREAK!) hahaha!
enough of the autobiography. now i will tell you what i did last week. hahaha!
halloween seems to be in the air these days. scary creature like me (ahem) are becoming active and seen in malls giving out candies and smiling to people (take not : smiling). honey and i went to robinson's again las friday and meet our ex classmates (her skulmates but my former skulmates!) hahaha! we had fun eating and wasting our COINS! hahaha! so when they decided to watch a movie we just strolled and saw honey' sfavorite face (majo). hahaha!and after that wehile on our way home we decide to go to blue wave for some kinda reason. there we saw my clanmates! (family) hahaha! the scary creatures! we had fun but we were tired and went home immediately.
saturday i went again to rp with diane and bought my ever beloved kaila slippers! (yabang! 59 pesos ln un!). we should've watch a movie but i wasn't feeling well so we just strolled and saw our own crushes! hahaha! i just realized how i missed him!hahaha!we went home and i went home receiving the blessing of anger of my parents (w/o knowing why).
sunday was never a rest day. again i wa with diane and my neighbors to PTONE. they jammed and played instruments while i sit there like a fool watching and listening and down.hahaha!i went home first carrying the feeling of difference and envy maybe. and my parents again scolded me and i had a great night again.
im sure you were irritated of me when i took my parents very seriously with their remark. it's just that i wasn't even allowed to go out sometime and just unwind. hahaha! i never wanna be a monk.
wahahahah!im haPpy again.just realized a lot of things today. but still happyness!!hehehe.i was absent because i was suffering from fever this morning and i know i cn't get through it today so i just take some rest. so i stayed in my bed, in front of the pc and over the fone. (plus texting) multitasking is such an enjoyable hobby! hahaha! i've also changed my blog's skin (peeling)hahaha!i just lyked this skin coz it really fits me.^^ i was browsing through the net a while ago when i saw my former class's site.. i realized how i've missed them. aw! in class two of us transferred but the other one really migrate.im the one who transferred. it's gud that some of my classmates were still alive and chatting with me, but some of them i think were very busy these days. hahaha. that's how life is.hekhek. but still im happy!!^^
watta hectic day it has been. hahaha.knTa nah teO! gOd!i onLy sLept fOr 2 hOurs todaY coz..dreaMs aRe huntinG me. i wOke up The firsT tym it was 11:30pm, i dreamt bouT a ghOst (sOmethin tO dO wiTh puLse). then, the nexT was 2:35am i dreaMt bout maJO?!god!wer the heLL did i picTure her thaT tyM?1im nOt even thinking oF her. theN i was wide awake tHe whoLe midnight. in schOoL aT firsT it was a mEss.we had the checking of noTebuk wer i didn't finisH my chapter but stiLl goT 87. then we had fiLm viewing wer we didn't undersTand even a bit of infO. then tHe exTended breaktym because our teacher in chem was caught in an accident. then the vaLues subj. with my ever beLoved teacher ms. JoseF. (ahem) engLish wer we watCh my (daryLL)hahahaha!for heaven's saKe jeN! hekhek! their sectioN zeus had a presentatiOn and we were their audience. daryLL was in the cosTume of a demOn. hehehe!my partner! (aw!). our mouths dropped because of that awesOme perfOrmance. everyoNe had his/her own parT. they reaLLy did an exceLLent jOb. i wisH Hera caN dO tHe saMe. (ahhhhh). tHat's oL fOr nOw.>>by tHe waY big mOuth and i aRe nOw frends...and tom we'll haVe a new sitting arrangement and he's goin to be my ct m8.thank gOd we jusT had ouR ceasefiRe.hekhek! ^^
it's haRd tO pretenD.to be haPPy, when deep insYd u're bLeeding. u're fooLing everyoNe sPeciaLLy ur own seLf. quiTe siLLy buT this is reaLLy haPPening. everythin' becOmes sO irOnic. the reaL is oLwaYs in reverse. i hopE i cOuLd chaNge reaLity aNd puT it bacK to the truth. i wisH i cOuLd rewind everythin' and Live Like nOthin haPPend. i wish i couLd be haPpy as in REALLY HAPPY.....
>>>i wisH i cOuLd be free as in reaLLy FREE.
>>>if there's sOmeoNe wHo undersTands,theN wHere dO u thinK i sHouLd go nOw?
:' (
it's haRd tO pretenD.to be haPPy, when deep insYd u're bLeeding. u're fooLing everyoNe sPeciaLLy ur own seLf. quiTe siLLy buT this is reaLLy haPPening. everythin' becOmes sO irOnic. the reaL is oLwaYs in reverse. i hopE i cOuLd chaNge reaLity aNd puT it bacK to the truth. i wisH i cOuLd rewind everythin' and Live Like nOthin haPPend. i wish i couLd be haPpy as in REALLY HAPPY.....
>>>i wisH i cOuLd be free as in reaLLy FREE.
>>>if there's sOmeoNe wHo undersTands,theN wHere dO u thinK i sHouLd go nOw?
:' (
Your smile is gently freezing
The snow throws it away
You're the laughter in my silence
The cold that keeps me awake
Green towel is soft spoken
With thoughts you never knew
Coz the lies and empty promises
I blew them all in hue
How does it feel?
How is it that i cant feel?
Cos i, i need to know
Coz i, i know i can never be enough
To replace your whatever
And i, i think it's shiny and blue
Like a dance that's see-thru
Cos i, i know i can never be enough
To replace your whatever
Now everything is silent
And everything is still without you near
Everything about you
The world was something new
And i was there in the open
Well, just to be with you
But everytime i see the shelter
And everytime i walk away
You're the laughter in my silence
The cold that fuels my day
How does it feel?
How is it that i cant feel?
Cos i, i need to know...
Coz i, i know i can never be enough
To replace your whatever
And i, i think it's shiny and blue
Like a dance that's see-thru
Cos i, i know i can never be enoughTo replace your whatever
Now everything is silent
And everything is still without you near
And everytime i see you passing by
I'll just stay here waiting for you
And i will talk to myself on a lazy sunday afternoon
And i'll still sing that prayer for youI'll be a little bit kind enough for me
While i try to be so perfect, you'll see that
And nothing can compare to whatever lies out there.
There's no one here...
There's no one here..
.There's no one here...
There's no one...
hahahaha!i aDmiT im sTiLL sTucK iN hiM. faCe iT! iT's nOt thaT eaSy tO foRgeT a reLatiOnsHip dUdE! but i've said and i've prOmised tO myseLf tHat i wOn't bring bacK whatever we haD befOre. hehehehe!
enuF of thaT.i'LL teLL u bouT wat happend durinG ouR chem cLass.
our teacHer assigned us a different sitting arrangemeNt aNd FORTUNATELY (take noTe "FORTUNATELY???")i was pLAced in frONt!!grrrr!ok sO here it goes.majo was on The side then aira then me,chedeng and jOeL.hahaha.f onLy my beautifuL teacher knew That we were aLL frends!hekhek!and guess who's on my pLAce??it's badeT fLorence's besTfrend and on my sitmate's place was fLorence!kenny and Leo were nOt trnsferred!sO if ever i was stiLl der! my god!what an oPPortunity!weLL, i guess that's it.he'll never be mine.hekhek!^^
hai ewaN!soBra dme gngwa ngeOn!dyOs q! (uhmm merOn bah?) hekhek!joke!hai.am baba q s mgah midterm!kainis!d q p xe cneseryoso eh!but jusT the saMe i did mY besT, and that's tHe leasT thing i caN do.wow paRe!may chika aQ!finaLLy we had a MOMENT!!!
(break tym)
ngaaus aq ng chairs (khet d aq cLeaner)kse trip q Ln.xempre napadaan aq s place ni PUMPKIN.hekhek.he's busy with sOmethin' english ata un xe may hw kMe.then, i was there fOOling arOund as i aLways do.i saT beside him and waited fOr any cOnversatiOn to cOme. (aw!)
PUMPKIN: nanuod dw keO ng first day high?
jEn:ha?uo!panu mOh nLaman??(sNa ksama ka nLn!)hekhek!!
PUMPKIN:niyaya aq ni chedeng khaPon eh.(nakangiti xa nun pare!wapak!)
jEn:aH,ok.(bket d k pmayag???!!!)hekhek!
PUMPKIN:d kb rebeL high?
jEn:nde noh!horror high sna meron pra ksma kah!kw ung kalabasa dun!(aw!joke Ln un pare!)
PUMPKIN: (kiniLiti n2man aq!ang harOt tLgah nun!)
jEn:(i jusT stared aT him fOr a minute and went away!) aw!
maJo:(umepaL!!grr) nanlalandi k n2man!!!
jEn:f*** u!!!
sbay un!kme nmn ni majo ngkulitan!haiii.
tpos eto nung ap nMen.midterms kse.one half lengthwise Ln kelangan eh nkaLimuTan q punitin unG akin.tnwag aq ng titser and c BIG MOUTH ung ngabot ng paper (xa ung kinaiinisan q!_)tpos bumaLik aq s chair q pra punitin.then when i looked in front :
BIG MOUTH:(sumenyas xa na punitin q nLn agad.)
jEn:pakeLAm moH!(sbay iraP)
hekhek!Lm q ang bad prO ewaN q bah pg nkiLa2 nYo xa bka ms mainis p keO.hai.eun muNa.that's oL for this day!^^
hekhek!c "idoL" kse nagi2ng ka2ibaH n2Man this past few days.d nMn s ngma2yabaNg or waT prO xempRe db aLam mOH pg maY nkatingiN seO. so, tumingin aq s knYa and as in kta q iLang bese q xa nhuLi n nkatingin sKen, nkasmiLe,at mnsaN kinikindatan p aq.hek2!tpOs knina ngaH suPer distaNt n aq s kNya, as in ngtaNung xa kng gLet aq then aq nMn "huh?nde nOH!". aw!sobra.an hirap ng gngwa q.kse n2mn bkeT p nyaH aq i2waN eH.weLL euN muna kwento q bOut her ngeOn.
tPos may sOmeoNe aqng knaiinisaN s rUm as in xe mukha xaNg aLieN.joke!prO am bad xe nYAh kYa gLet n gLet aq s knYa.tpos dMe q nba2Litaan n ngta2nong dw xa kng bkEt aq ngLet,aq Ln dw gLet.nhi2ya dw xa sken kYa d nYah aq kYa haraPen. "anu xa?bakla???"hai nakuH i knOw im ruDe sOmetiMes at un Ln ung maLi q prO ngi2ng msMA Ln nMn aq pg msMa ung taO sken eH.sNa nMAn reasOnabLe un.tsKa d q nMan xa inaaway ng haraPan bsTAh gLet Ln aq at d q xa knakausaP.oh?see?im innocent!hekhek!eun Ln munah!
>pumpkin_20<
kuNg ngta2ka keO kng cnuH c pumpkiN...uHmmm messaGe nyO nLn aq s friendsTer.^^
hekhek!!an haPee q ngEon dHeL nkapanuOd n q ng siNe.graBeh d p aq nanu2od ng sine eVer!wapak!Loko Ln un nOH! mgnda Ln tLgah unG sIne kYa q ngusTuhaN.hekhek.ngcmuLa ang Laht s firsT day of scHooL hanggang ngkaroon ng ANTI Love potioN. >aw!< at nguwi s Laban s bsKetbOL. fdhu fLying tigeRs vs. madisOn buLLdogs!!hekhek!
eun muNah fOr noW dMe nah mdterM btE d n2Loy ngeOn at naawa paH cLa smen hekhek. sO, keLAngan bumaWi.
ciaO!!^^
